Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
