I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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