Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
