They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have fence marks all over my body
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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