his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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