I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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