Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We are all done wearing pants today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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