dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
