Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
