plz talk dirty to me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
