A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
