remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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