hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
