your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
