put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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