If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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