I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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