I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
