ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
