i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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