Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
