i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
