your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
