well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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