Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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