Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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