he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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