This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
