Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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