The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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