onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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