I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
