So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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