White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
