I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
