Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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