I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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