Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
where does the pee come out of this thing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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