Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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