If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
