I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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