I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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