threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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