I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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