whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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