And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
