Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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