Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
well, you know. whores of a feather.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
