He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
