just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can you bring me the toilet please
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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