I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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