There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
