Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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