My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize
