u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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