He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
