then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
