I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
