Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
