FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
