You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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