I smell stomach acid.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
