Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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