And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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