I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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