does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
