I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i now understand why vodka
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
