Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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