So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
