Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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