Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
