i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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