my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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