he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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