So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
