shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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