i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
