my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
