remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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