tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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