Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
