Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
