Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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