It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
