Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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