If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
