What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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