nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
