Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
